The power of names
Nov. 8th, 2012 09:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pktechgirlbackupA while ago I was filling out a new patient form for a doctor's office, and saw an "other" option for both gender and sexual identity, and a "polyamorous" option for relationship status. As it happens I don't need any of those boxes, but I still felt better for seeing them on the form. At first I thought it was because if the doctor considered these sometimes heavily stigmatized states of being to simply be information she needed to know to do her job, then there was reason to believe she wouldn't judge me for my non-standard interests. It made it easier to talk freely without fear of judgement.
But now I think maybe there is more than that. I was watching For The Bible Tells Me So, a documentary on use of the Bible to justify hatred of homosexuality. And it occurred to me that they never say "I hate men having butt sex" or "I hate two men being in love" or "I hate women getting off without a penis involved", or anything specific. The talk about abominations, and perversity, and sickness. Which is a good strategy on their part, because there is nothing homosexuals specifically do that could possibly justify that amount of hatred and fear. But it makes me think that some of what was so comforting about that intake form was the willingness to explicitly name things that many people would not acknowledge.
People, including people who pride themselves on being open minded and accepting, including me, sometimes complain about the extra time it takes to not use "woman" and "vagina haver" as shorthand for each other, to not assume an anonymous internet is a woman because they mention having a husband, to not say "mom and dad" when you mean "parents" and not say "your parent" when you mean "grown up who is mostly responsible for your raising." It makes sentences much longer, ruins comedic timing, and it's a lot of effort for such a small portion of the population. But taking the time to draw these distinctions helps more than trans women and men, gay men, and children being raised by their gay grandfathers. By talking explicitly about things often left implicit due to discomfort, they help everyone whose life is even a little nonstandard feel more accepted and less afraid. And that is worth doing.
But now I think maybe there is more than that. I was watching For The Bible Tells Me So, a documentary on use of the Bible to justify hatred of homosexuality. And it occurred to me that they never say "I hate men having butt sex" or "I hate two men being in love" or "I hate women getting off without a penis involved", or anything specific. The talk about abominations, and perversity, and sickness. Which is a good strategy on their part, because there is nothing homosexuals specifically do that could possibly justify that amount of hatred and fear. But it makes me think that some of what was so comforting about that intake form was the willingness to explicitly name things that many people would not acknowledge.
People, including people who pride themselves on being open minded and accepting, including me, sometimes complain about the extra time it takes to not use "woman" and "vagina haver" as shorthand for each other, to not assume an anonymous internet is a woman because they mention having a husband, to not say "mom and dad" when you mean "parents" and not say "your parent" when you mean "grown up who is mostly responsible for your raising." It makes sentences much longer, ruins comedic timing, and it's a lot of effort for such a small portion of the population. But taking the time to draw these distinctions helps more than trans women and men, gay men, and children being raised by their gay grandfathers. By talking explicitly about things often left implicit due to discomfort, they help everyone whose life is even a little nonstandard feel more accepted and less afraid. And that is worth doing.
