(no subject)

[pktechgirlbackup]

• Pan was a shoulder kitty. If you picked him up he would scramble frantically for your shoulders, even if you were just scooting him a couple of feet towards his food bowl. But once he was there, he was happy. He spent many vet visits sitting on my shoulders.
  
• Sometimes having his butt on your arm but his head and front paws on your shoulder were enough. He'd nuzzle into my neck when I did that.
  
• But if you were sitting, he was happy to be on a lap or arms. I could hold him on his back like a baby and rub his tummy and he loved it.
  
• Sometimes when I did this he would reach up and touch my face with a paw.
  
• Whatever layer of clothing I wanted to have on, he wanted to be under it, and would crawl down the topmost hole. This was a nonissue in jackets and robes, but if it was a shirt, he would go down the neck hole, which wasn't a problem till he kicked furiously at my neck trying to right himself. He never did figure out the bra.
  
• If I shoved him under my sweater or t-shirt he would play along, but it never occurred to him to start there.
  
• I got him at two years old and Nemo at twelve weeks old. Nemo got about a week of dominance from his superior attitude, until Pan realized he could just sit on him.
  
• Despite Nemo being up to twice his weight and always the one to instigate fights, Pan remained dominant about everything he cared about, which was food and me.
  
• I think that's why Nemo mostly cuddles with my feet in bed: Pan made it clear that torso cuddling and neck clinging were for him.
  
• When I got him he loved to play, but after I adopted Nemo, that niche seemed to be filled without the catnip mouse.
  
• I resent that I only got him for 2.5 out of his 4.5 years on Earth. It seems unfair.
  
• Before I got him he was a show cat, and he was rated third best Tonkinese in the region. The breeder gave me all his medals over my protests when I got him and I have never had a lick of interest in displaying them until now.
  
• I can find his picture on line because of this, and it hurts to see how healthy he was back then.
  
• I am reminded of him now mostly by absences: today I just put food on the floor rather than decide how much of each of his four medications I could get away with, warming it, warming an identical one to put next to it because that would make him eat the first one, warming a different food because maybe that would make him eat the first one, putting whipped cream on one, and shoving his face in it.
  
• He had a snuggle snack that he loved more than anything, but I had to throw it out when he both pooped on and threw up on it on the way home from the vet. I feel bad about that.