pktechgirlbackup (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pktechgirlbackup) wrote2012-10-21 12:25 pm
pktechgirlbackup) wrote2012-10-21 12:25 pm
The great and powerful Oz has spoken
There is a point I see a lot in writings on Nice Guys (TM), which is that it's no good identifying a target for sex/a relationship and then pretending that's not what you're after, because they can tell. I saw this most recently on Ferret's blog, but it comes up lots of places, many of which devote vast swathes of their other writings to talking about Using Your Words. This strikes me as a little contradictory, and I'd like to expand it.
Some people can successfully fool others as to their intentions most of the time. These people do not ask me, Ferret, or Captain Awkward how to get laid.* Of the people who read about Nice Guys (TM) and think that it might apply to them personally, and are trying to disguise their desires: some targets will know what they are up to immediately. Some will not, but will vaguely uneasy. Some will feel fine, but the attempt will still fail because hiding the fact that you are lost from your passengers doesn't mean you are not lost. And hiding your wants might even work in some small fraction of the population. But not often.
The more literal/ASD side of me wants to say that if people detect bad intentions 100% of the time, than surely it's reasonable to expect the same accuracy rate when I develop good intentions, and see a corresponding shift in behavior. Which is in fact not a fair or reasonable thing to expect, and reinforces the mentality that women are vending machines that dispense responses appropriate to the amount of change you put in.
*My opinion is that doing this has serious hidden costs, but that's a different issue.
Some people can successfully fool others as to their intentions most of the time. These people do not ask me, Ferret, or Captain Awkward how to get laid.* Of the people who read about Nice Guys (TM) and think that it might apply to them personally, and are trying to disguise their desires: some targets will know what they are up to immediately. Some will not, but will vaguely uneasy. Some will feel fine, but the attempt will still fail because hiding the fact that you are lost from your passengers doesn't mean you are not lost. And hiding your wants might even work in some small fraction of the population. But not often.
The more literal/ASD side of me wants to say that if people detect bad intentions 100% of the time, than surely it's reasonable to expect the same accuracy rate when I develop good intentions, and see a corresponding shift in behavior. Which is in fact not a fair or reasonable thing to expect, and reinforces the mentality that women are vending machines that dispense responses appropriate to the amount of change you put in.
*My opinion is that doing this has serious hidden costs, but that's a different issue.