pktechgirlbackup (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
pktechgirlbackup) wrote2012-09-09 12:16 pm
pktechgirlbackup) wrote2012-09-09 12:16 pm
More dating and economics.
The hypothesis in yesterday's post has some additional implications.
First, guilt free dumping might lead women to prefer assholes for casual sex. Any sexual encounter carries some chance of the other person falling for you. Telling decent people you don't reciprocate sucks. Reciprocating when you're in a bad place for it- coming off a serious break up, about to leave the country, questioning your gender identity- sucks. Assholes are both easier to tell to fuck off if they fall for you and less likely to engender reciprocation. This plan is not without costs, but on the margin it will lead to more casual sex for assholes than you would otherwise calculate.
Second, the urge to keep harmony and avoid disappointing men could easily lead to a reluctance in women to make the first move. I'm operating off a small set of data and I'm very interested in hearing other people's experiences (on both sides- this one may not be so gendered), but I've noticed that men tend to take me asking them out as a sign I am Definitely Interested, as opposed to interested enough to want more data. They're less responsive to implicit cues of subsequent disinterest and less likely to solicit explicit ones. Now, I'm a grown up and I can give explicit instructions without being asked. But the work involved means there's a rather large margin where I would say yes if asked (who knows, he might be really interesting 1:1) but won't ask myself
Worse, there's a cascade effect. When I encounter someone I am definitely Interested in, I have less practice asking men out than I otherwise would have, so I'm worse at it. If my experience and reaction is widespread (and I think it is), it's self reinforcing.
First, guilt free dumping might lead women to prefer assholes for casual sex. Any sexual encounter carries some chance of the other person falling for you. Telling decent people you don't reciprocate sucks. Reciprocating when you're in a bad place for it- coming off a serious break up, about to leave the country, questioning your gender identity- sucks. Assholes are both easier to tell to fuck off if they fall for you and less likely to engender reciprocation. This plan is not without costs, but on the margin it will lead to more casual sex for assholes than you would otherwise calculate.
Second, the urge to keep harmony and avoid disappointing men could easily lead to a reluctance in women to make the first move. I'm operating off a small set of data and I'm very interested in hearing other people's experiences (on both sides- this one may not be so gendered), but I've noticed that men tend to take me asking them out as a sign I am Definitely Interested, as opposed to interested enough to want more data. They're less responsive to implicit cues of subsequent disinterest and less likely to solicit explicit ones. Now, I'm a grown up and I can give explicit instructions without being asked. But the work involved means there's a rather large margin where I would say yes if asked (who knows, he might be really interesting 1:1) but won't ask myself
Worse, there's a cascade effect. When I encounter someone I am definitely Interested in, I have less practice asking men out than I otherwise would have, so I'm worse at it. If my experience and reaction is widespread (and I think it is), it's self reinforcing.