Domestic Violence
Aug. 31st, 2011 09:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pktechgirlbackupOne of the things I think Teen Mom deserves credit for is giving some oxygen to domestic abuse, and specifically female-on-male domestic abuse, a topic that gets way too little attention.
Amber, the abuser, is pretty clearly clinically depressed and needs help. The showed her going to a PCP for anti-anxiety meds very early in season 1, but it hasn't been mentioned since (I'm in late season 2). The thing is, the fact that she's depressed doesn't make it less abusive. You can see both her depression and her abuser mindset in her response to 2.10, an episode in which she punched her currently-ex-fiancee Gary in the face with a closed fist, destroyed his stuff, and kicked him in the spine as he carried a heavy object down stairs. She's clearly very mournful, until Gary, with whom she's apparently reunited before taping, says that yes, it would be nice if she in some way demonstrated she loved him. And she immediately jumps on him for not supporting her. She won't even let him finish his sentence about how hard it is to watch her beat him because it makes her sad.
This matches what I've seen in my personal life. Of my friends who have been in abusive relationships*, every one of their partners was depressed, although not necessarily diagnosed as such. In some cases, the abuse even went away when the situation that was causing the depression did. That made it harder for the other person to leave, because it feels like kicking someone when they're down. We need to stop defining abuse as a facet of strength and start identifying it by its effects.
*None of them were being outright assaulted. It was either emotional abuse or failure to recognize their physical needs, like sleep or coddling after an injury.
Amber, the abuser, is pretty clearly clinically depressed and needs help. The showed her going to a PCP for anti-anxiety meds very early in season 1, but it hasn't been mentioned since (I'm in late season 2). The thing is, the fact that she's depressed doesn't make it less abusive. You can see both her depression and her abuser mindset in her response to 2.10, an episode in which she punched her currently-ex-fiancee Gary in the face with a closed fist, destroyed his stuff, and kicked him in the spine as he carried a heavy object down stairs. She's clearly very mournful, until Gary, with whom she's apparently reunited before taping, says that yes, it would be nice if she in some way demonstrated she loved him. And she immediately jumps on him for not supporting her. She won't even let him finish his sentence about how hard it is to watch her beat him because it makes her sad.
This matches what I've seen in my personal life. Of my friends who have been in abusive relationships*, every one of their partners was depressed, although not necessarily diagnosed as such. In some cases, the abuse even went away when the situation that was causing the depression did. That made it harder for the other person to leave, because it feels like kicking someone when they're down. We need to stop defining abuse as a facet of strength and start identifying it by its effects.
*None of them were being outright assaulted. It was either emotional abuse or failure to recognize their physical needs, like sleep or coddling after an injury.
